Saturday, February 13, 2010

Love

posted by David Ashcraft
February 13
I was listening to a Focus on the Family broadcast earlier this week, and the subject was love letters. The guest encouraged the audience to "write a letter to your spouse" telling him/her why you love them. I thought about the challenge for a couple of hours as I drove from Atlanta to Raleigh.

I love Mary because God's word says in Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands love your wives."I made a commitment to love her on January 2, 1971, and that commitment remain strong. If additional reasons are needed to encourage that love, they are stronger than ever:
  • Mary is a living example of the love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13 . She is forgiving. She is patient. She cares for others.
  • Mary is a good mother and grandmother. She enjoys children. She is kind to animals. She manages the house well, and

  • She still likes to play.
Love at 64 is a little stronger and deeper than it was at 21. In younger days, I would have written more about liking and physical attraction than love. Now all three are in one little package that still excites and challenges and makes me say wow.

Foxes in the Vineyard

February 13, 2010
reposted from Barbara and Dennis Rainey

Song of Solomon 2:15: "Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom."

In 1974, Barbara and I started having children - 6 in 10 years. We discovered what Solomon calls the "little foxes": the thieves that will steal the fruit of love before it has a chance to be enjoyed. For Barbara and me, these "foxes" have included:
  • Wrong priorities;
  • Young kids who wear you out;
  • Teenagers who won't go to bed;
  • Financial pressures;
  • Poor health;
  • Crowded schedules;
  • Unresolved conflict.
I think the most deadly fox, however, is apathy. If you truly are committed to making your marriage last for a lifetime, and enjoying the type of oneness God intends in a relationship, you need to make a choice to keep romance in your marriage.

If you want to put the spark of romance back into your marriage, I have two tips. First, become a student of your mate. Do you know that men and women view romance through different lenses? To confirm this, the next time you are in a Bible study or Sunday School class, divide the men and women into separate groups and ask them to answer the same question: What is something romantic that you would like your mate to do for you?
I'll guarantee you that the men's list will focus on physical intimacy: "Dress up in a sexy negligee" or "Meet me at the front door without any clothes on." The women, however, will say things like, "Take me to a romantic, candle-lit restaurant," "Spend time talking with me" or "Sit in front of a fire and cuddle." Men are motivated by sight and touch, while women want to develop a relationship.

Second, take the time to plan some creative romance. Do something different, out of the ordinary, something that will capture your mate's attention. Perhaps you need to take a weekend away, just the two of you. You'd be surprised how many couples have never done this since their honeymoons.

Prayer: That God will give you a better understanding of what your spouse needs when it comes to romance, and the courage to act on that understanding.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Materialism

rebroadcast from Paul Coughlin - February 1, 2010

Materialism: Thumos-Numbing

Paul Coughlin

Contributing Writer, Author, Speaker

I think Robert Lynd said it best all the way back in 1915:

There are some people who want to throw their arms around you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.

We don't need some gray-haired Swiss scientist on PBS to tell us our family and community bonds are unraveling. Daily life confirms it. If we're honest, we'll admit that our wedding vows often apply more to our jobs than to our spouses. The average person spends much more time at work, thinking about work, getting ready for work, commuting to work, trying to make work happy, or working at home than they do with their family. Some have no choice. But many have plenty of choices that materialism steals.

Here are some facts about increased affluence that Madison Avenue won't tell you. In a study of one thousand lottery winners, a surprisingly high number were less happy six months later. Many had turned to drugs, and even more suffered a sense of isolation.

The average size of a home fifty years ago—when families were bigger—was the size of today's three-car garage, around nine hundred square feet. The average home by 2000 was almost three times larger. Furthermore, family incomes have increased 85 percent since the 1950s, yet polls show Americans overwhelmingly were happier fifty years ago.

Today, put an average family in a nine-hundred-square-foot home and they likely will think they are children of a lesser god. They may be tempted to sit in ashes, tear their clothes, and denounce their faith in the real God. But it's not like he hasn't warned us about the devastating results of having full coffers and an empty soul. In the parable of the rich landowner, the Lord calls him a fool; his soul is harvested that same night.

Sometimes Jesus said things that require some figuring out. But on the destructive ills of consumerism his message is streamlined and crystal clear: We can't serve God and money at the same time. His clear admonition to us? Choose.

Hear this, though, as well: We don't want to transpose the mistake and glorify poverty for poverty's sake. There's a balancing act of sorts in regard to possessions. We could say, "Don't make me so poor, Lord, that I resent you. And don't make me so rich that I forget you."

People in nations that are developing, moving out of widespread impoverishment, usually say they are happier with increased wealth. No surprises there, for poverty brings burdens that can crush a spirit. However, so can the weight of excess, and in a more seductive way.

Glenn Stanton, Director of social Research and Cultural Affairs for Focus on the Family, pinpoints what this does to families. "Affluenza, the unnecessary accumulation of possessions, is about misplaced priorities. It sends the message loud and clear that life is about stuff, no people."

Affleunza disintegrates spiritual vitality, and as Stanton notes, Christians somehow aren't much different than nonChristians when it comes to the insatiable desire for what's newer, bigger—and unnecessary.

Materialism, the will toward pleasure, not purpose, does far more than disconnect us from transcendent causes, which provide true meaning and real peace. Materialism is not passive—it's aggressive and pernicious, and it actively opposes such a connection. It's a seductive, attractive form of infidelity, a kind of fatal attraction. Materialism stops us from building our marriages, from playing with our kids, from providing for widows and orphans. Materialism seduces us to keep our mouths shut when we see clear injustice and heinous cruelty.

Our situation is worse when we realize that contemporary life is set up for a cautious man, not a courageous one. Culturally we define a good man as one who "makes the right moves" throughout life; the thrones and pedestals on which we place such apparently superior men often lead to behind-the-scenes compromises of integrity that slice into their already deflating or deflated thumos.

Modern liberalism is the largest external cause of the failure to exercise noble thumos, because it prescribes assertiveness for selfish reasons. We have replaced the manly man with the safe company man: "Professionals treat each other with ‘professional courtesy' but never with chivalry." They want longer and more trouble-free lives instead of potentially shorter or more difficult lives with substantially greater accomplishments and purpose.

And as G.K. Chesterton showed, materialism gradually destroys humanity: "I do not mean only kindness, I mean hope, courage, poetry, initiative, all that is human." Note: hope, courage, and initiative are all attributes of thumos.

Materialism is somewhat like the most addictive drug in history. Nicotine relaxes and stimulates at the same time; it brings "calmness" that by masking anxiety seems to invigorate, allowing for productivity and even clarity. And materialism does animate us, but in the wrong (selfish) direction and with the wrong (selfish) will, and so it's squarely in the category of shadow thumos. Materialism marries our affections to the immediate and the temporal, not the eternal, and certainly not the transcendent.

Every major philosopher and theologian worth his salt has told us this. We can ignore it if we want; we also must realize that the words ignore and ignorant come from the same linguistic root. Conversely, we become people of courageous faith when we measure ourselves against factors far more significant and substantial than the standards and endeavors of time and place. Right now, both inside and outside the church, the standard and the endeavor is materialism.

I'm a product of the American Dream. My parents, as you may know, were Irish immigrants. Opportunity is the close cousin of freedom, and freedom is a blessing. But see how opportunity has become obsession and what that's done to so many of us: We've become dehydrated people chasing down drinks that do not quench and, in fact, leave us more parched every time we imbibe.

One last warning about materialism: Many who are infected with it don't know it. You will appear weird when you withdraw from it and begin to stand against it. Doing so will be among your most worthwhile achievements, and our collective thumos—our courageous faith and our integrity—depends on it.

Materialism, consumerism, Affluenza, love of money—this poison goes by several names. It's a disease that not only attacks noble thumos but also breeds shadow thumos. It's evil, for it provides the illusion that we are the self-contained captains of our own souls, and, in defiance of God himself, its foundational premise is that we must be preserved instead of redeemed.


Paul Coughlin is the author of numerous books, including Unleashing Courageous Faith, No More Christian Nice Guy and No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps. He also co-authored a book for married couples with his wife Sandy, titled Married But Not Engaged. His articles appear in Focus on the Family magazine, and he has been interviewed by Dr. James Dobson, FamilyLife Radio, HomeWord, Newsweek, C-SPAN, The New York Times, and the 700 Club among others. Paul is founder of The Protectors, the faith-based answer to adolescent bullying, which provides curriculum for Sunday Schools, private schools, retreats, and individuals that trains people of faith to be sources of light in the theater of bullying.

Visit Paul's websites at: http://www.theprotectors.org , andhttp://www.paulcoughlin.net

Visit Sandy's website for reluctant entertainers at:http://www.reluctantentertainer.com